take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize