I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
