woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
