i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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