you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
