hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize