Sry I called you an 8
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
