Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
