i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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