next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
