Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
