God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
