Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
