white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
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