we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
