Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
