If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
