Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
