i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Randomize
