Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
