How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
