lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
This is my gift to your gina
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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