If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize