saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
