So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Randomize
