So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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