if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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