I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize