***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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