oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Randomize
