Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
