dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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