Nicole vs. Life
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
