The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
