gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
