do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
