go do what you do best...puke behind churches
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
