This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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