I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Never joke about your clitoris.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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