i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
