and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
