well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
