I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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