Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
