Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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