im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize