I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
