Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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