3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
