This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
