at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
