I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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