I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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