I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
