If i come over, it means nothing
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I touched a dick in church today
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
