I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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