I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
