I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
