Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
