I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
