I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
