I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
