Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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